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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28300266">Baby Owl</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anneil/pseuds/anneil'>anneil</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adults Bokuaka, Alternate Universe, Angst, Has fluff tho, Healing, I don't think I did but sorry if I made you cry, I tried my best, Kuroo Kenma and Hinata have appearance, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Violence, Why Did I Write This?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:15:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,991</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28300266</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anneil/pseuds/anneil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"My heart can't get better, it's been thorn apart for years" </p><p>"It can get better" Bokuto was sure of it</p><p>"Mine can't" </p><p>"Yours too"<br/>________________________</p><p>.... Who would have known that Koutarou would met someone as wretched as Keiji?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji &amp; Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Baby Owl</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: mentions of sexual abuse, suicide thoughts and attempts</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was around midnight when Bokuto went out for a walk on a summer night because he was too stressed about his college life. And as usual, he went to his favorite spot, the sunflower field, where the sunflowers were faithfully waiting for the sun to return. Nighttime or daytime, the sunflowers were always beautiful to look at. He felt unusually calm when he was looking at them, they were bringing him peace. </p><p>It was all calm when noice pierced the absolute silence. The peace was ruined and Bokuto turned around to look where the voice was coming from and he was met eyes to eyes with a person with puffed eyes, disheveled clothes and reddened cheeks with quite a few bruises on his face and blood bled from his nose. And the person without saying a word collapsed on the grass. Bokuto was really surprised and ran to him immediately, the person was barely conscious. </p><p>"Hey hey, hang it there!!" </p><p>Bokuto sat on the bench in front of the hospital room where he brought the injured person. Gladly, it wasn't anything serious. As soon as the door opened, the dark-haired man with few bandaids on his face showed up and Bokuto immediately stood up and went to check up on him. </p><p>"Are you okay?" Bokuto questioned just to be ignored afterwards </p><p>"Heey, I'm talking to you" Bokuto stood in front of him</p><p>The male just looked at Bokuto with blank eyes, as they were dead. It made Bokuto wonder. What has happened to the person that was standing in front of him? What has he been through? </p><p>"I'm okay" the boy answered with quiet voice and made his way out of the hospital </p><p>"Is your heart okay as well?" Bokuto ran after him as straightforward as he always was</p><p>"No" </p><p>"Talk to me"</p><p>"Why should I?"</p><p>"So your heart gets better" </p><p>"My heart can't get better, it's been thorn apart for years" </p><p>"It can get better" Bokuto was sure of it</p><p>"Mine can't" </p><p>"Yours too" </p><p>The male just glared at Bokuto as he was saying something silly and ignored him once again. </p><p>"Before you leave, what's your name?" Bokuto asked one last question </p><p>"Keiji" he answered without looking back at Bokuto </p><p>"I'm Bokuto Koutarou!!" Bokuto yelled making sure the other would hear</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The time as fast as it flows, even the cold winter has arrived. It's that time of the year, when the trees wear a white cloak and children are playing outside with the snow and they're making snowmen. The houses are beautifully decorated with garlands, candles and holly. And on the doors there are wreaths and mistletoe hung on them. The beautiful landscapes are nice for the eyes. </p><p>Even as winter has arrived, Bokuto even now wonders what has happened to the person he has met back then on that night, Keiji was his name. Is he doing fine? Is he getting better? All kinds of questions would pop in Bokuto's mind. </p><p>Bokuto allowed to shake off the thoughts of the other male as he was getting dressed to go around town with his best friend Kuroo. As the finishing touch, he sprayed cologne on him and after he exited his house. </p><p>Outside was white as everything was covered in snow. Bokuto actually loved winter a lot, and whenever it snowed he would get all excited about it. He really liked the warm feeling he was getting in his heart even if outside was cold. Who cares if it's cold outside? You can always get warm from your heart, when you love and you're loved. </p><p>Bokuto was in front of Kuroo's house waiting for him to get out. And when he did, he canceled their plans because he suddenly had to spend time with his gaming friend. Unbelievable. </p><p>"Bro, you totally suck" Bokuto was pissed at Kuroo's behavior, how dare he cancel their plans just before their meeting time</p><p>"Sorry bro" Kuroo apologized about it for like 10 times or more </p><p>Pissed Bokuto wondered what can he do and a place where he wasn't been in a while has popped in his mind. What were the sunflowers doing during the cold winter? Have they lived? He wanted to know if any survived. </p><p>Because of the coldness, Bokuto's nose and cheeks have gotten all red as he was walking to the sunflowers field and with each step he took forward the snow swallowed his foot. </p><p>When he finally got there, there was nothing to see, nothing of the sunflowers has stayed. The field was all snow. </p><p>In that completely white field, Bokuto saw a figure in the snow by far away. As he went closer to it, he saw a person lying down in the snow. His first thoughts were 'He isn't dead, is he?'. As he got really close to the person he saw how the person's black hair has become white from all the snow. And when he got a good look at the person's face, he found it familiar. It can't be. </p><p>Was this person Keiji? </p><p>"Excuse me?" Bokuto tried calling</p><p>Bokuto jumped up from the surprise as the male opened his eyes and looked straight into his eyes. Bokuto immediately got reminded of that blank look. The same look that he was met with on that summer night. </p><p>"What?" </p><p>"You're Keiji right?" </p><p>"Yeah, and you ar-?" Keiji was about to ask when he suddenly rememered those golden eyes and the greyish hair with black strands "Oh" </p><p>"You remembered, I'm happy" Bokuto brightly smiled and then he realized "Hey! YOU'RE GONNA FREEZE WHAT THE FCK ARE YOU DOING IN THIS SNOW?" </p><p>"I'm fine" Keiji scrunched his eyes and coughed after he said it </p><p>"No you're not" Bokuto said as he held Keiji's colder than ice hands and removed the snow from his hair, Bokuto was so worried</p><p>Bokuto removed his hat and scarf and instead he wrapped the scarf around Keiji's neck and then put the hat on his head while holding Keiji's hands to warm them up even a little. </p><p>"Can you stand up?" Bokuto asked</p><p>"Yeah" and he did</p><p>"Where's your home?" </p><p>"I don't have it" Keiji said expressionless as ever</p><p>"What?" </p><p>"I do have a house but I don't have anything that I can call home" </p><p>Bokuto formed his lips into "o" shape at the realization of what Keiji said. It did hurt him though. Keiji was definitely in pain, something happened that left a deep scar on him and it's still bleeding. Something that prevented him from being happy. Has Keiji felt happiness? </p><p>"Let's go, you should warm up" Bokuto took Keiji's hand and put it in the pocket of his coat while not letting go of his hand </p><p>"Where?" Keiji was confused </p><p>"There's a cafe near, let's get some coffee to warm us up" </p><p>"I don't really want to" </p><p>"I don't care, let's go" Bokuto as usually, wasn't listening </p><p>After about 10 minutes walk they got to the cafe. There were only few customers and it was pretty quiet. </p><p>"Two cups of coffee please" Bokuto said to the waiter and they did not have to wait a lot for their order to arrive </p><p>"Drink up" Bokuto smiled at Keiji </p><p>They both were enjoying the coffee so it was quiet the whole time until Bokuto broke the silence with a question </p><p>"So, Keiji what's your first name?" </p><p>"Keiji is my first name" </p><p>"I thought it's your last name" Bokuto was indeed surprised</p><p>"I've always hated my last name" </p><p>"Why?" </p><p>"Because it's that man's" Keiji was looking down with some kind of look full with hatred and anger</p><p>"That man?" Bokuto asked </p><p>"You don't need to know" Keiji coldly looked at Bokuto </p><p>"OH, uh, yea, true" Bokuto already regretted asking the question </p><p>The coffee was drank, and it was time for them to go home so they got out from the cafe. But, Bokuto didn't want to, he felt a unusual wave of sadness. He somehow wanted to stay more with Keiji and know more about him. He was curious, very. </p><p>Those thoughts were shaken off as he heard Keiji's hard breathing and his body was shaking as if he had been met with something scary. </p><p>"Hey, what happened? Keiji hey!" Bokuto went closer to him</p><p>Keiji didn't say anything, he continued shivering while with his finger he pointed to a couple intensely kissing each other. </p><p>Keiji has recalled the times he was kissed without wanting to. He remembered every tear that fell from his eyes as that man left unwanted kisses all over his body. He remembered how he shaked as that man disgustingly touched every inch of his body without listening to Keiji's cries that were begging to let him go. And every time he begged him to stop that man went even harsher and Keiji was getting heavily hit. And it wasn't only once or twice. </p><p>Keiji's heartbeat calmed down and the shivering was starting to disappear as he felt another body's warmth on him. Bokuto has hugged him, and as his head was pressed against Bokuto's broad chest, he listened to Bokuto's heartbeat and it made him calm down. Akaashi shivered every time someone touched his bare skin, he hated it, it made him disgusted and bad memories were flowing in. But this time, Bokuto's touch didn't bother him, and it was the other way around, it was actually calming him down. </p><p>"Shh, I'm with you. You're not alone, Keiji" Bokuto whispered </p><p>Bokuto's voice was unusually calming and it made Keiji feel a lot better. </p><p>"It'll be fine, everything's gonna be fine, I promise" Bokuto said with soft voice </p><p>"Promise?" Keiji asked as he was holding onto Bokuto </p><p>"Yes, promise" Bokuto rubbed Keiji's back</p><p>Honestly, that was the most expressions he had seen on Keiji. He wanted positive ones though, not ones like fear and shivering. But Bokuto was now sure that there was something haunting Keiji. Something he couldn't get over. </p><p>"Let's go, I'll send you to your house" </p><p>"Please, I don't wanna go there right now" Keiji's breathing was getting heavier </p><p>"Let's go to my house then, I live alone" Bokuto said as he smiled to Keiji and ran with his hand through his hair</p><p>Keiji wanted to refuse but Bokuto hardly insisted so he just went along. Either way, where would he go? He had nowhere. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Bokuto's house was warm. Which is not surprising because its owner is Bokuto. It was a little messy though but it could be overlooked. There were few paintings hung in the living room, they mostly were nature-based.</p><p>"Want some orange juice?" Bokuto asked Keiji</p><p>"No, it's okay" </p><p>And even though he said no, Keiji was still handed a glass of orange juice. He just sighed and drank from the juice. </p><p>Bokuto on the other side felt heavy as each second passed. Putting boundaries on what can he ask and what can he not. </p><p>"What were you doing at the field lying in the snow?" </p><p>"I was resting" </p><p>Bokuto was in awe. </p><p>"Resting? There? In the snow? You could've frozen to death" </p><p>"I wouldn't have minded" </p><p>"What" sadness enveloped Bokuto and it showed on his face </p><p>Keiji was dead serious and that was the problem. Would he really not have minded dying? No, did he ever mind it? </p><p>Bokuto would've asked what happened to Keiji but he was afraid it would open old wounds. And he definitely didn't want to cause Keiji pain, not at all. </p><p>Bokuto was going over his wardrobe to find pajamas that would fit Keiji because it was getting bed time and he wouldn't be comfortable sleeping in the clothes he was in. And when he found ones he went to give them to Keiji. </p><p>Keiji kindly accepted them and thanked Bokuto, when he removed his shirt so he can get into the pajamas, Bokuto couldn't help but notice all the scars and burns Keiji had on his back. He was left with half opened mouth and his mind was full of questions. Without thinking he raised his hand and caressed Keiji's back which made Keiji jump up and Bokuto was met with Keiji's surprised and angry look. </p><p>"I'm sorry... It just looked.... Very bad" Bokuto was honest </p><p>Keiji just looked down at the floor and was hesitant whether to talk or not. But he felt that it's okay if it's this person, if it's Bokuto. He felt safe and comfortable with him. He knew that Bokuto has a good heart, and he would accept him no matter what. </p><p>"They were done by my father" </p><p>Bokuto stopped dead in his tracks. Was he hearing right? No.. No.. Can't be. That's way too..... Way too harsh... Way too painful.... It suddenly hit Bokuto, he had no words, nor expression on his face. Just as the time had stopped. It was quiet, Bokuto could hear his own heartbeat. </p><p>"Every night he would come to my room and..." Keiji continued but Bokuto interrupted him</p><p>"No, don't say anything if it causes you pain. I don't want you to remember it" </p><p>Keiji didn't want to remember it as well, but it was suffocating him, killing him. It was bottled up inside him, with no warning when it will burst. And it was sure to do so one day. </p><p>"He would come angry to my room, he would hit me..." Keiji had fallen on the floor with teared up eyes</p><p>"Keiji..." Bokuto has sat next to Keiji, tears running down his face</p><p>"Then he would undress me..... I felt terror and eerie all over my body...... With his every touch my body trembled even more.... " Keiji couldn't hold back his tears anymore </p><p>Bokuto never felt as bad as then, he felt as his heart would stop any time, he felt like screaming and throwing up as he was listening to Keiji. If it's like this to Bokuto, then how is it to Keiji? Hundred. No. Million times worse.</p><p>"He would... K-kiss me... All over my body.... Then he would stuck his tongue inside my mouth..... It was so gross......" </p><p>Keiji was crying so badly that he was choking on his every word. </p><p>"And.... And every time I begged him to stop.... He would hit me.... I wanted to scream but no voice was leaving my mouth.... Just like I had no voice..."</p><p>Bokuto was completely devastated, still not moving at all with tears down his cheeks. In that spite of moment he instinctively wrapped his hands tightly around Keiji and hugged him. Tightly, tightly as someone would steal him away. That was the moment he swore to never leave Keiji alone, to always be with him and help him heal. </p><p>"With his tongue.... He would l-lick me..... Even now, I remember it vividly.... Even now it shows up.... It shows up in my dreams.... It haunts me..... When I'm awake and even when I'm sleeping....." Keiji has wettened Bokuto's shirt from his tears</p><p>"He would tie my hands.... So tightly... I still have marks on my wrists..... He would forcibly put it in my mouth..... And.... And everytime I would fight back, he would put pieces of burning coal all over my stomach.... It hurt so badly.... I was screaming and crying.... But there was nobody to hear me..... He would ejaculate inside my mouth..... It was so disgusting...... My body was shivering so badly..... " Keiji was holding onto Bokuto's shirt so tightly he almost pierced his skin with his nails </p><p>But it didn't hurt Bokuto nor he noticed Keiji's hands grabbing him. His mind was occupied, he was devastated. The only pain he felt was in his heart. It ached so badly as someone has stabbed him hundreds of times. </p><p>"It's been so long since I stopped believing in God...... There was no God for me...... I was full of hatred..... Death would've been the best opinion..... H-he ruined my life.... He made my life a living hell..... Even now.... He has me chained.... With my past.... He's locked me in there..... I can't get out....." Keiji had trouble speaking from all the crying</p><p>Bokuto from all the shock couldn't even find the right words for Keiji in that moment. There was something stuck in his throat. He wanted to say something but his mouth wouldn't open. He just held Keiji tightly in his arms as tears were flowing.</p><p>"You'll get out of there. You will" Bokuto finally got himself to say something </p><p>"I don't think so, Koutarou-san" Keiji couldn't stop crying </p><p>"Keiji, you maybe think like that now but that's wrong. When you say it's impossible you don't even try to think of ways to make it possible. Instead, not doing anything like that, you're wrecking yourself even more instead of fixing yourself. Yes, you might've been alone until now so there was no one to help you heal, but see Keiji, you have me by your side now" Bokuto's voice was so sweet it made Keiji not to think of anything else, just Bokuto's voice</p><p>Keiji never had anyone in his life, he was always alone so that has even become normal to him. He didn't know what did care mean nor love. He never loved anyone nor he was loved by someone. Resenting his life, regretting his birth, there was no point in breathing for him. The world has been harsh to him, it never showed its sweetness to Keiji. He cried every day yet he still had tears for crying. Living but not actually living. That was Keiji doing. Many times he would fall in the deep waters, he wanted to drown himself but the little piece of him wanting to live awakened each time. He wanted to die, but death scared him. Drowning didn't work and all the bloody razors weren't sharp enough. How is he going to live a life he threw away a dozen times? Is that even life? Giving up your life like it's nothing but still holding onto it somehow, barely. </p><p>But now there was someone, someone who cared. Could he really help Keiji as he said? Was Bokuto magical? What kinda spells will he use on Keiji? Keiji was scared of interacting with others, he hated it. But he somehow let Bokuto in. No, actually, Bokuto let himself in. Keiji never felt the need to be loved nor he wanted it, but when Bokuto showed up in front of him, was exception made? Most likely. Without knowing it, he had already put all of his trust in him. </p><p>"We'll get over it together. With me by your side, we'll overwrite your past with the future that we both are going to write, ourselves." Bokuto cupped Keiji's face and then wiped off his tears</p><p>*</p><p>Keiji was finally sleeping peacefully on Bokuto's bed while Bokuto was sleeping on the floor. Keiji fell asleep but Bokuto couldn't. It was late hours but he wouldn't fall asleep. He was thinking about Keiji. He was wondering how could someone live through that but he was glad Keiji did. Living through hell, but still surviving. No many can do that. </p><p>"Koutarou-san" Keiji whispered, seems he woke up from his sleep </p><p>"Yes?" </p><p>"Do you like sunflowers?" </p><p>"Oh my gosh Keiji, it's four in the morning and you're asking me if I like sunflowers?" Bokuto chuckled </p><p>"Sorry, it's just that it came to mind that the sunflowers field is where we would always meet by chance" Keiji was staring at the ceiling </p><p>"Now that you mention it, true. Like that field connected us. And do I like sunflowers? I don't know. Whenever I would be stressed I would go there to clear my mind and somehow it became a habit. You could say I like them"</p><p>"So it's like that" Keiji hummed</p><p>It went silent after that. Only their breathings could be heard.</p><p>"Keiji, can I ask a question now?"</p><p>"Sure"</p><p>"That summer night, when we first met, what happened to you then?"</p><p>"Call it rebellious phase, call it immaturity, I got in a fight with some people... " Keiji stopped "I was pretty confident, but when I was touched, I got goosebumps, my heart was beating faster and my breathing was getting heavier" </p><p>"You're scared of being touched?"</p><p>"I don't want to be, but every time someone's skin touches mine I start shivering and breathing heavily like I suffocate"</p><p>"But when I touched you, you seemed fine? What about that?" Bokuto asked</p><p>"I... I also don't know why I wasn't triggered by your touching. It was the first time I haven't been scared of being touched"</p><p>"I see..." Bokuto smiled to himself and then he remembered "Oh gosh we should really sleep now"</p><p>"Good night, Koutarou-san"</p><p>"Good night, Keiji"</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The sun rays where caressing Bokuto's face, telling him to wake up. He would stay some more in bed but nah, he was too annoyed at the sun so he had to get up from the bed. When he did, he was surprised, he didn't find Keiji on his bed so as fast as he could he went around his flat to search for him. And gladly, he found him in the kitchen, he was making coffee. </p><p>"Oh my gosh, you scared me so much" Bokuto left out a big sigh </p><p>"I'm sorry" Keiji apologized </p><p>"No, it's okay. I was just really worried. I'm glad you're here" </p><p>Keiji poured the coffee in two cups and gave one to Bokuto, which for Bokuto thanked him. The coffee was nice, perfect for waking up. As Bokuto was calmly drinking his coffee, he suddenly realized something. How could he be thinking of this just now? </p><p>"Um, Keiji...?" </p><p>"Yeah?" Keiji looked at Bokuto </p><p>"Where's your fa-, I mean that man now?" </p><p>Keiji stopped whatever he was doing, put the cup with coffee on the table and looked down. </p><p>"He's in prison" </p><p>Bokuto felt relieved but at the same time apologetic of bringing up this topic. He said he would make Keiji feel better but he was just making it worse. And not just that, Bokuto still had questions in his mind. But should he ask those question? </p><p>"Ask me, I'll answer" Keiji said as if he could read Bokuto's mind</p><p>"You'll be fine?" </p><p>"Ask now so it's gets cleared up now, I don't wanna talk about it tomorrow or some other day. Ask now and finish with it"</p><p>"Did you put him in prison?" </p><p>"I... I couldn't. I don't know why... " Keiji gulped "One day, someone accidentally saw and they called the police."</p><p>It was really a wonder how that happened, Keiji's house was somewhat hidden from the others, they had no neighbors, but luckily someone passing though there saw that horrifying thing that was going on and called the police. </p><p>"Oh" was the only thing that left Bokuto's mouth before he asked another question "How long... Did he do those things?" </p><p>"....Until my 2nd year in high school" Keiji closed his eyes, holding his head</p><p>"Hey, are you okay? Keiji?" Bokuto was really worried, he brought up topics Keiji would rather not remember.... </p><p>"I'm fine, my head, just started hurting" </p><p>Bokuto stood up and got some medicine from the drawers to give to Keiji. </p><p>"I'm sorry for reminding you of all that, but those were all the questions I wanted to ask" </p><p>"It's okay, I told you to ask" Keiji was quiet for a pretty while and then he tried to change the topic "Don't you need to go college?" </p><p>"Nope, I'm on Christmas break" </p><p>"Oh.... Right, it's Christmas soon" </p><p>"Do you like Christmas?" Bokuto asked him</p><p>"I don't know, I'm not really excited for all those holidays nor I believe in God. Actually, I'm not even sure if I've ever enjoyed something"</p><p>And that was true. Keiji had no interests nor hobbies. He was never in relationships and he never enjoyed holidays. He didn't even have a proper family so how could he have a proper life? His father was like that and his mom died when she gave birth to him. Keiji always thought his life was a big mistake. He has never felt happiness. In that shitty life of his, he had no one. But for the first time in his life, he thought there was someone beside him now, that someone was Bokuto. He felt like he could trust him for everything and with anything. For the first time in his life he put his hope into someone. And for the first time in his life, he wanted to live. He thought he wanted to have a proper life as everyone and for that, he bet everything on Bokuto. </p><p>He knocked out the thoughts when he heard Bokuto asking him something. </p><p>"Wanna spend Christmas with me?" Bokuto asked with shiny eyes</p><p>Keiji was surprised, he didn't know what to say so he stayed quiet for a good amount of time. Part of him wanted to say yes but the other part felt like he was gonna ruin Christmas for Bokuto. But then he was met with Bokuto's eyes that were in awaitment and they were hoping for Keiji to say yes.</p><p>"Sure, if you don't mind" Keiji gave in </p><p>"Yay" Bokuto jumped up and out from excitement he hugged Keiji "Oh I'm sorry" and then he remembered Keiji wasn't doing so well when someone touched him so he started to pull out from the hug</p><p>"It's okay if it's you" Keiji pulled him back</p><p>Then they both realized how awkward and embarrassing it was. With blushing faces they both pulled out. (a/n: gay panic) </p><p>"Sorry" Keiji couldn't look Bokuto in the eyes</p><p>"No, I'm sorry" Bokuto was holding his nape and his eyes were everywhere except on Keiji</p><p>Keiji insisted on going home that day but Bokuto pulled out the Christmas tree for them to decorate it so Keiji would stay some more. It was perfect time for making Keiji's life better as it was a season full of holidays that warm the heart. That was in Bokuto's mind the whole time, to be with Keiji. </p><p>Bokuto brought out the boxes from his basement with the ornaments and tinsels with Keiji's help. Various types and colors were present, Bokuto had a lot because he loved buying stuff and decorating the Christmas tree and he had fun whenever he did. The Christmas tree he had was around 4 years in his flat, he bought it the first winter he moved in so he could live alone. The tree's height was about 7 feet, and of course they would have trouble putting some of the things. </p><p>"There's so many" Keiji mentioned while looking through the boxes </p><p>"Oh well, I couldn't help it, and the tree is big so yeah" Bokuto chuckled </p><p>"True" </p><p>They put the ornaments first, and then they put the tinsels around the tree while carefully coordinating the colors and spots where they put them, when they had put everything the lights were next and they immediately turned them on as soon as they put them on. Now, only the star on the top was missing so Bokuto got a chair from the kitchen and hopped on it. He sprung out his arms as much as he could and he barely reached it but he did put the star on it somehow. </p><p>"Thanks God, I reached it" Bokuto got excited and lost his balance causing the chair to move and he couldn't hold onto anything </p><p>"Kouta-" Keiji called out when he saw Bokuto falling towards him and they both ended up on the floor with Bokuto on top of Keiji </p><p>It was dead silence and only an ow came out from Bokuto's mouth. That was it until the sudden burst of their laughter pierced the silence. </p><p>"Are you for real?" Keiji was laughing and shaking his head in disbelief while he still was on the floor </p><p>"Oh gosh" Bokuto was laughing really hard too</p><p>"You're unbelievable" Keiji left out a laugh </p><p>"I know" Bokuto nodded as he finally got up from the floor and gave Keiji a hand to help him stand up "But, hey" Bokuto smiled "I made you laugh!" </p><p>Keiji suddenly came to realization and put his hand over his mouth. When was the last time he laughed like that? He couldn't remember it. No, did he ever laugh? Keiji felt the same as when water is poured to a plant that's on the verge of wilting. He felt life being poured into him. Life suddenly had purposes, and he had reasons to live. He wanted to see more of Bokuto, he wanted to know more about him and he wanted to spend time with him. </p><p>"Keiji?" Bokuto stepped closer to Keiji </p><p>"No, I'm fine, I just suddenly realized that I actually laughed.."</p><p>"What did I tell you? I'm very effective!" Bokuto put his hands over his hips</p><p>"Effective?" Keiji giggled at the way Bokuto worded it</p><p>They stood in front of the big Christmas three and Bokuto took a selfie with his phone. "So that it will be remembered" he said</p><p>"It'll be remembered even without the photo as the proof" Keiji said </p><p>"Mhm?" Bokuto glanced at Akaashi</p><p>"I'm saying, even without a photo, I'll remember it my whole life" </p><p>"You dummy" Bokuto chuckled "I'll remember it as well, no way I would ever forget this, I took the picture because I wanted to have a picture with you. Can't I?" </p><p>"No, of course you can" </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Keiji was at home, writing articles on his laptop as a part of his job. He worked from home. He has been sitting on the chair for about two hours now so he took a break, when he turned on his phone he had a few missed calls from Bokuto so he immediately called him back to see why he called. </p><p>"Keiji!" Bokuto said with high and breathy voice as soon as he picked up the hall</p><p>"Koutarou? What is it? Did something happen?" </p><p>"Are you okay?" </p><p>"I'm fine. Why?" Keiji wondered </p><p>"Thank God.." Bokuto sighed "You didn't answer the phone so I got scared" </p><p>"I'm sorry about that, I was working and didn't check my phone" </p><p>"It's okay, as long as you're fine" </p><p>Keiji had went to open the door of his balcony and inclined his body on the door frame while he had his gaze outside at the gracious winter scenery. On the balcony fence were put the colorful Christmas lights that Bokuto gave him, they looked so pleasant. The cold breeze felt nice against his skin, and the fresh air he was breathing in made him feel better. </p><p>"Thank you for caring" Keiji smiled</p><p>"Keiji..." Bokuto stopped</p><p>"Yes?" </p><p>"Can I come over?" </p><p>"Sure" </p><p>Keiji gave Koutarou his address when he insisted on walking him back home and well, Keiji had no problems with it. It's just that, he wasn't sure what to do if Koutarou would come over to his house. He wondered about things like what exactly is he supposed to do or say. He's not funny nor entertaining, he is just going to make it boring for Koutarou, those things were his worries. Mostly of his life he has been alone, no friends, and well he did had relatives but nobody never visited him nor cared about his existence. It had come to the point where Keiji couldn't even have a proper relationships in his life. As a lone wolf, he was always alone and never seeked help from anyone. He had a lot of insecurities, fears and he was very unsteady and easily breakable. So how in the world he's supposed to behave with Koutarou? Koutaro was the complete opposite of him. He was a star, the most shiny one, a star that could blind you. Oozing with energy, his smile never faded from his face. He had many friends as well, he always had people around him. Guess the brightness he radiated with swayed everyone. </p><p>"This is my first time in your house" Koutarou said as his eyes were wandering around full with curiosity</p><p>"Yes, you didn't come in the other day" </p><p>"Well it was pretty late"</p><p>Keiji poured him a glass of juice and brought out some snacks on the table. Then he sat next on couch next to Koutarou. </p><p>It came to what was Keiji scared of, he was just awkwardly sitting on the couch and Koutarou was watching TV. They weren't talking at all, only the TV could be heard and the noises Koutarou made while watching it. Keiji was sure Koutarou was bored and that made him feel bad even though he expected it.</p><p>"I'm sorry..." Keiji said with low voice</p><p>"For what?" Koutarou raised his eyebrows</p><p>"Well, you've come to my house but now you're bored like this because I'm not a fun person to be around with" Keiji's voice was still low</p><p>Koutarou looked at Keiji and slouched closer to him, putting his head on his shoulder whilst Keiji was confused.</p><p>"You know, Keiji, I'm not bored at all. Look I'm watching TV next to you, drinking juice and eating from the snacks. I'm pretty much having fun currently and I'm comfortable with you to the point even the littlest things are fun when I'm with you" Bokuto said with a silvery voice </p><p>Warm feeling enveloped Keiji, he felt loved and thankful towards Koutarou. Those words meant so much for the insecure Keiji. </p><p>"Thank you" he mildly rested his head on Koutarou's</p><p>They spent the evening pleasantly and comfortably, watching some TV show and discussing about it. Time passed so fast it was unbelievable. </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It was Christmas already, the town was bustling, people were shopping and getting ready to celebrate. Whole town was covered in decorations and it raised people's spirit. Everyone was awaiting it, the time where they would spend time with their loved ones, enjoying food and drinks, just having fun in general. </p><p>This is going to be the first Christmas Keiji would celebrate and Koutarou wanted to make it unforgettable and extra fun for Keiji. He got everything prepared home for the mini party with the two of them. Various foods, cakes, cookies were on the table as well as drinks. Now, Koutaro waited for Keiji to arrive. </p><p>When the bell rang, Koutarou immediately went to answer it. His excited face turned into a confused one when he opened the door. </p><p>"Oya" a tall male, with black and badly styled hair was on the door</p><p>"Kuroo?" Bokuto was surprised </p><p>"Merry Christmas" the blond guy next to the black-haired one greeted Bokuto</p><p>"Kenma??" </p><p>"Hello there" orange-haired guy cheerfully showed himself </p><p>"Hinata???" </p><p>"What's that look on your face? You seem disappointed with seeing us" Kuroo put his arm around Koutaro's shoulder </p><p>"No, um, I wasn't expecting yall" Koutaro awkwardly laughed </p><p>"We came so you won't be lonely" Hinata said</p><p>"Yea... Thanks" </p><p>"Ooh you got the table set for two people. Were you expecting someone?" Kenma went to the living room</p><p>"Ooo what? Is it a girl?" Kuroo went after Kenma</p><p>"No.. a friend is supposed to come" Koutarou held his nape</p><p>"OH, we're sorry for imposing on you like this" Hinata apologized </p><p>"It's okay it's okay, lemme bring chairs for you" Koutarou went to the kitchen to bring chairs when the bell rang</p><p>"Coming!" Koutarou yelled from the kitchen and went to open the door after he gave his guests chairs to sit on </p><p>"Merry Christmas, I'm supposed to say?" Keiji half-smiled</p><p>Koutarou's eyes lit up as he saw Keiji on the door</p><p>"Merry Christmas!" Koutaro smiled brightly </p><p>They both went to the living room where the other have already started being noisy and they were already eating from the foods and drinking. </p><p>"Um, so, Keiji, these are my friends, they've surprised me with their sudden visit" </p><p>Keiji didn't expect anyone there so he was taken aback a little. </p><p>"Nice to meet you all, I'm Keiji" he forced a smile </p><p>They all cheerfully greeted Keiji and kindly introduced themselves to him. The atmosphere wasn't so bad, they were chatting about things but Keiji just sat there staring at different objects and he didn't speak at all. He didn't feel like he belongs there, among those people who were satisfied with their life. He felt deviant. </p><p>Keiji sighed out as he stood up from the chair and excused himself to go to the bathroom, because he needed some time alone from the others. Entering the bathroom, he splashed water on his face and then wiped it with a rag. He was looking for some time in the mirror in front of him and had thoughts about going home since he really wasn't feeling comfortable there no matter how much he tried to. He just couldn't socialize and he was scared of trying it. </p><p>When exiting the bathroom he was met with a short blond male who stood in front of him. </p><p>"Needed some time alone?" Kenma slightly smiled and tilted his head </p><p>"Well, yeah, Kozume-san was it?" </p><p>"Just Kenma is fine" </p><p>Keiji just nodded and made a step to pass through Kenma but when Kenma spoke he stopped. </p><p>"Sorry" </p><p>"For what?" Keiji turned around </p><p>"You were supposed to be with Bokuto alone but we came and ruined your plans, and on top of all, we've made you uncomfortable though the other two aren't even realizing it" Kenma shook his head after he said the last part </p><p>"It's nothing to apologize about, Kenma-san" </p><p>"You won't admit it, I see" Kenma left out a laugh and shook his head "Don't worry though, you'll have your time alone with Bokuto alone" </p><p>Honestly, of the three of them, Kenma seemed the most normal and Keiji was actually feeling pretty comfortable with him and liked him the best. </p><p>"No, it's really fine" Keiji said once again</p><p>Rest of the dinner went pretty well and without Keiji speaking much but he did have Koutaro's worried looks on him. Koutarou rather felt apologetic for putting Keiji in a situation like this without telling him or anything. Well, who would've know his friends would pay him a visit. But even so Koutarou set his mind of making up for it to Keiji, Christmas wasnt over yet. </p><p>As the others stood up getting ready to leave, Keiji got up with them too but then his wrist was grabbed by Koutarou and he was brought closer to him. </p><p>"You stay" Koutarou whispered to him and then went to send off his friends</p><p>Keiji just sat on his chair again and waited for Koutarou. </p><p>"I'm really sorry about this, I had no idea they were going to come" Bokuto pressed his hands together "Though I'm pretty sure they came just for the food" he rolled his eyes and Keiji laughed at it </p><p>"It's okay, really" </p><p>"It's great that I hid the main thing" Bokuto went to the kitchen and brought out the chocolate cake with strawberries on it from the fridge along with a bottle of champagne </p><p>"You hid the cake from them?" Keiji was in awe</p><p>"I had to, those guys were gonna eat it all" he crinkled his nose as he left the cake on the table and then poured Keiji and himself a glass of the champagne </p><p>"This is tasty" Keiji said as he took a bite from the cake</p><p>"Mhmm" Koutarou nodded because he was unable to speak because he was stuffing his mouth with cake</p><p>After they ate from the cake they went to the living room and sat comfortably on the couch. It was calm so when Koutarou suddenly moved Keiji flinched due to it. </p><p>"I forgot!" he yelled</p><p>"Koutarou-san?" Keiji was confused </p><p>"Open your hands" Bokuto said as he searched his pockets with his hands</p><p>Keiji was unsure of what for but he still did what Koutarou asked. </p><p>"Here" Koutarou gave him a necklace with a round pendant and an owl engraved in it</p><p>"Koutar-" Keiji got surprised </p><p>"There's your Christmas present" Koutarou ruffled Keiji's hair with his hand</p><p>"But I didn't get you anything though.."</p><p>"Don't worry about it, you don't have to get me anything" Koutarou stood up and went behind the couch on "Give me the necklace, let me put it" he got behind Keiji</p><p>"Here" as Keiji gave Koutarou the necklace their skin touched and it send chills down Keiji's spine</p><p>Since when did Koutarou's touches make him feel things? </p><p>"I was wondering what to get you when I saw this necklace in the town, and owls are said to bring luck and health so I wanted to give it to you as a lucky charm" </p><p>As Koutarou's fingers touched the back of Keiji's neck, Keiji felt his heart going faster and he got chills all over his body. His mind was puzzled and he was unable to calm down his heart. He felt his body getting hotter and he could've swear that his cheeks are bright red. He was nervously fiddling with his fingers. He flinched and his heart almost jumped out of his mouth when he felt Koutarou's soft lips on his bare skin. He got so hot, he was feeling like steam was coming out of his body and his mind was restless. In that spite of moment he forgot everything, he forgot his past, he forgot who he was and who he is. Koutarou in that moment stole all of his memories. </p><p>"You're pretty, Keiji" Koutarou whispered</p><p>Pretty? Keiji? He always thought of himself as dirty, unattractive, he felt like he got so dirtied in his life that he could never clean himself. He never thought that he can get rid of the filthiness that he wore on his body and the heart. That coming to Keiji's mind, he had his hand over his mouth and his eyes were already full of tears. For the first time in his life he was called pretty, something he thought he never was. Like a piece of glass shattering, he felt like his shell was slowly falling apart and all the filthiness was being washed off. </p><p>"Kei-, you're crying? Why?" Koutarou said with caring voice "You don't like the necklace??" </p><p>In midst of the crying, Keiji laughed at the silly question of Koutarou's. Why would he be crying for that? Koutarou's mind was indeed amazing. Koutarou caused Keiji a laugh just like that, like it was nothing. </p><p>"No, I like it" Keiji chuckled as he was wiping off his tears with his hands </p><p>"Then why? I'm sorry, was it because I'm being to touchy?" Koutarou sat next to him</p><p>"No... I'm happy" </p><p>Koutarou opened up his eyes as he heard those words and then enveloped Keiji in a tight hug. </p><p>"The necklace looks good on you" </p><p>"Thank you" Keiji smiled</p><p>It was after midnight already and Keiji and Koutarou were outside walking through the streets. Koutarou once again insisted on taking Keiji home. Snow was falling and both Keiji and Koutarou were covered in it, both their ears were red from the coldness as they weren't wearing hats thought they did have scarfs around their necks. </p><p>"Are you cold?" Koutarou asked </p><p>"I'm fine. What about you?" </p><p>"I'm fine too" </p><p>Their cold fingers almost immovable from the coldness were brushing against each other when their pinky fingers got entangled, Keiji looked at Koutarou who was just staring forward and behaving like nothing's going on. Koutarou let go of the pinky finger and pressed his palm with Keiji's and intertwined their fingers. Keiji trembled as he felt butterflies in his stomach and his heart was going crazy. His face was red and he was looking sideways. </p><p>"Is it uncomfortable for you?" Koutarou question </p><p>"A little."</p><p>"Put it up with it, this way is warmer."</p><p>Was that all for Koutarou? Keiji felt as Koutarou was playing with the strings of his heart. Keiji didn't know if Koutarou was just a person like that or there were hidden intentions in his actions. Keiji let go of Koutarou's hand and stopped walking and just stood there. </p><p>"Keiji?" </p><p>"I don't.. really want to hold hands" </p><p>"I'm sorry, I thought it would be better this way" Koutaro felt apologetic</p><p>"I'm just not used to skinship" Keiji made movements with his foot in the snow, sliding his leg </p><p>"I should've considered that" </p><p>Koutarou felt bad about doing things without even thinking. But oh damn did he want to hold that hand of Keiji's. Sometimes he did things even he himself didn't know why he did them. Was he doing it all for Keiji? Or there were his own desires included too? Sometimes even he himself got confused by his own feelings. </p><p>When he send Keiji home he felt lonely alone. Walking and silence felt much more nicer when he was with Keiji. He was unconsciously having fun with him. </p><p>Bokuto swiftly turned around and ran back to Keiji's house.</p><p>"It's me" Koutarou said as he was breathing heavily and knocked on Keiji's door</p><p>"Koutaro?" Keiji was surprised </p><p>"I've come to realization and" </p><p>"And?" </p><p>"I love you" </p><p>Keiji's eyes and mouth widened and his face was red like a tomato. In that cold weather with snow he was burning like he was on fire. </p><p>"Me? Someone like me?" Keiji pointed to himself </p><p>"Yes. You." Koutaro nodded</p><p>"Are you sure?" </p><p>"100%"</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The air around them was different now they were dating, it seemed thin and even hard to breath sometimes as their cheeks got redder and hearts were beating faster. It should've been around 2am when Keiji brought Koutaro pajamas and made his bed so he could sleep. Both were feeling drowsy as it was late hours and their eyelids were falling themselves from the tiredness. Light from the moon leaked through the cranny of the window and it lightened the whole room. Buzzing noises could be heard from outside as well as the whistling sound of the wind that was somewhat disturbing. </p><p>"Keiji" Koutaro's voice pierced through the silence "Can I lie down on the bed, next to you?"</p><p>It was silent for a while after he asked that question. </p><p>"You can" Keiji raised his upper body and placed his elbow on the bed and his face on his palm to see Koutaro, he was surprised how light was the room just from the moonlight and he could see Koutaro clearly </p><p>Koutaro took the pillow and the blanket with him and got up to go lie down next to Keiji. His eyes went to Keiji's neck where he was wearing the necklace with a round pendant and an owl on it. He smiled and then his eyes once again looked into Keiji's. </p><p>Keiji was enchanted with Koutaro's shiny eyes that reflected the moonlight, he felt like those eyes held the world in them, they were so beautiful Keiji could look at them always and forever. </p><p>"Whatcha staring for?" Koutarou left a smile </p><p>"Your eyes are pretty" </p><p>Koutaro at that moment thought his heart has stopped, the time and everything. The only thing he could see were Keiji's eyes in front of him that were looking at his own. Then his eyes went to Keiji's lips that were pressed together and he slowly started to lean in closer to Keiji. He closed his eyes and their lips were to touch except for this thud and rapid movement that made Koutarou open his eyes and the only thing he saw was the wall in front of him. Keiji had sat up, one hand on his chest and the other on his mouth, and as he noticed that it was getting harder to breathe he removed the hand from his mouth and started breathing in and out while trying to calm down. Along with the momentum, his eyes started to water. </p><p>"Keiji, hey, are you okay?" Koutaro kept on asking as he saw Keiji in that condition, it was as he was suffocating and Koutarou's heart dropped way to his stomach. He was swearing and cursing at himself and his hastiness. He had no idea what to do at that time because he has never been in a situation like that but he was pretty sure Keiji was having a panic attack at the moment. With rapid movements he pulled the curtains and opened the window so wind would flew in. He knew there wasnt time to panic so he tried to stay calm as he much as he could and help Keiji the best he could. </p><p>"Keiji, look at me, Keiji" Koutarou mildly grabbed Keiji's chin and turned his head to face him "Everything will be fine. Just breath in and out" Koutarou held Keiji's free hand "Good. Focus on my eyes and breath slowly and deeply, forget everything else there is." Koutarou was breathing along with him "That's it, continue, together with me"</p><p>After about 10 minutes that felt like eternity, Keiji's breathing was slowly getting back to normal and his heart had calmed down. Koutaro wiped off Keiji's sweat with a handkerchief and closed the window. He immediately highened the heating and put a blanket over Keiji's shoulders. </p><p>"Do you have any medicine for this?" he asked Keiji</p><p>"No. I... I thought I stopped having these so i threw them all out" </p><p>Koutaro hummed and thought to himself to maybe search up for some medicine and buy just in case. </p><p>"Where are you going?" Keiji grabbed Koutaro's sleeve</p><p>"To make you some tea" Koutaro smiled</p><p>"I'll come with you, I don't wanna be alone" he stood up after Koutaro </p><p>"Got it, but keep the blanket draped on your shoulders" </p><p>They slowly made their way to the kitchen, turned on the lights and Koutaro immediately started making the tea while Keiji was just sitting on a chair and staring at him, watching his every movement and then he stood up and wobbled to Koutaro enveloping him into a back hug. He smelled so good, but most importantly he smelled like home. A home that Keiji would always go back to. </p><p>"I'm sorry..." Keiji started tearing up "I thought I was fine but...."</p><p>"Don't apologize, there's nothing to apologize for" Koutarou turned around and hugged Keiji tightly "I understand" Koutaro went back a little and held Keiji's chin while smiling </p><p>"I hate myself..." Keiji sobs</p><p>"No, don't say that, why would you say that?" </p><p>"Because.... When you almost kissed me I remembered things and I was feeling the urge to throw up" Keiji sobbed harder "And then when I realized how rude was that to do to you, I got scared, scared of you hating me and that's was where I couldn't breath and my heart went crazy" he rested his head on Koutaro's shoulder and clenched his hand on his shirt</p><p>"I would never hate you" Koutaro's patted Keiji's head and slowly placed a kiss on top of his head "Don't ever worry about that, got it?" </p><p>"But what if?" Keiji's voice cracked </p><p>"There's no ifs. I'll always love you and there's no chance this will ever change, get this into your brain" </p><p>"Thank you" </p><p>"Wrong answer"</p><p>"Hm?" Keiji raised his head to look at Koutarou</p><p>"Dummy, it's 'I love you'" Koutaro poked Keiji's nose</p><p>"I love you" Keiji said and buried his face into Koutaro's chest</p><p>"I love you too" Koutaro said back with a sweet voice almost a whisper</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Keiji was cuddled in Koutarou's arms, sleeping like a baby. Koutarou's chin is on Keiji's head, and Keiji has his head against Koutaro's chest with space left for him to breath normally. Koutaro wakes up first as the sun rays got to him, he raises his head to look at the digital clock that was placed on the drawer next to the bed and he sees the time being 8am. He doesn't want to leave the bed so he just turns back and closes his eyes as he holds Keiji. He hears him snort and opens his eyes to see Keiji squeezing his eyes. </p><p>"Good morning" Koutaro whispers</p><p>"Good morning" Keiji hums still not completely awake </p><p>Chirping from the birds was heard from outside and few cars passing could be caught. </p><p>"Let's make some food" </p><p>"No, I wanna lie down some more" Keiji half whines</p><p>"Uh huh" Koutaro chuckles "You're some big baby" </p><p>"Just a little more" Keiji once again bursts his head in Koutarou's chest</p><p>"Got it" Koutaro leaves out a sigh and a sweet laugh </p><p>How can he say no when Keiji is like that. A cutiepie Koutaro was soft for. He just meant so much to him, Keiji was the world to Koutaro. Who knew he could have someone that precious to him in his life. And it started from just sincerely trying to help, in spite of that, love was born. But that's just the beginning, there's more to come. That newborn love needs to keep growing and involving, both of them to grow personally and as an couple. Keiji was still sensitive about some things but he was slowly getting used to some. Can't blame him. He's went through so much and Koutaro understands. </p><p>Dunno if they were crazy but after they finally got up from bed, Keiji and Koutaro went outside well clothed and played in the snow for a little more than a hair. Koutarou was jumping around like a kid and Keiji just watched him smiling, that's it until his face didn't became cold and wet. Koutarou had just hit him with a snowball directly in the face, well he wasn't aiming for it so he felt sorry. </p><p>Koutarou went to Keiji to wipe his face and what he wasn't expecting was to have Keiji's arms around his waist and the next he knew he was down on the ground with snow. </p><p>"The fxxk, Keiji?" Koutarou was surprised but wasn't mad, instead he just grinned, grabbed Keiji's hand and pulled him down till he had fallen down next to him on the snow </p><p>"Whaa" Keiji was shocked </p><p>He was even more shocked when Koutarou hugged him and started rolling around with him in the snow. </p><p>"OH my gosh Kou-" </p><p>Koutarou didn't stop after few minutes and they both were on their backs, lying on the snow.</p><p>"You're crazy" Keiji said while panting </p><p>"I know" Koutarou chuckled </p><p>"I had fun though" </p><p>"I did too heh" </p><p>After spending a little more time outside, they were all wet and they hurried to go inside Keiji's house to warm up and put on new clothes.</p><p>The next morning Keiji came up with a fever so Koutarou watched over him the whole day and nursed him until he completely recovered. No more playing in the snow for a while for them. </p><p> </p><p>* </p><p> </p><p>Buds form on the branches of the trees as the weather got warmer and get ready for spring. The air could be felt that is getting warmer and the sun was around much more. </p><p>Another semester in college starts for Koutaro and he isn't very excited about it. He once again has to spend time studying and take exams. He didn't really like it but he had to because of his parents. In order to live a 'better life'. </p><p>Currently he's at home looking over papers and reading stuff. He's completely concentrated on the little letters on the white pieces of paper in his hand. The skies turn darker and darker and Koutarou has been sitting in one place for too long. </p><p>Keiji on the other side is sitting on one of the benches in the park near his house. He was giving Koutarou space to breath and to concentrate on his studies. He feels lonely but he wants the best for Koutaro. </p><p>And that's all good but he feels this aching pain in his heart and he wants to see him. He fishes out his phone from his pocket and goes to his and Koutaro's chat.</p><p>Koutaro looks at the clock and it's already a little before 10pm. He stretches his limbs and then he turns on his phone and 4 messages and one missed call from Keiji show up on the screen. </p><p>"Fxxk" he cusses underneath his breath</p><p>7.47pm</p><p>Ji: Hey, are you still busy? </p><p>8.36pm</p><p>Ji: Don't forget to eat and drink water</p><p>8.59pm</p><p>Ji: I miss you. Can I come? </p><p>9.38pm</p><p>Ji: Sorry</p><p>A cuss after cuss leaves Koutaro's mouth. He lost hang of the time and didn't answer Keiji. </p><p>He puts on his coat, wraps a scarf around his neck and leaves his house. Nervously tapping his foot in the ground while he waits for the taxi to arrive. </p><p>He arrived fast at Keiji's house and he's knocking on the door. The door is opened by Keiji in his pajamas and his eyes are reddened. At the sight of Keiji, Koutaro enveloped him into a tight hug that was screaming 'I'm sorry and I missed you'. Koutarou for sure missed embracing Keiji and he missed his scent that was of mint. </p><p>"I'm so sorry my baby owl" </p><p>Keiji giggles at the nickname Koutaro gave him. There wasn't even a trace of  the loneliness he previously felt in his heart. </p><p>"It's okay now, it doesn't matter" Keiji just wraps his hands around Koutarou</p><p>They plopped on the couch and Keiji rests his head on Koutarou's shoulder.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, the only things that were on my mind were the printed letter on those white papers and suddenly it got dark before I even knew it" </p><p>"I figured, I wanted to keep it in but I just missed you so much" </p><p>"I'm sorry, from now one I'll check my phone more often, and call you, I swear" Koutaro placed a kiss on Keiji's head</p><p>"Yes yes, got it" </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The sakura trees were blossoming and its petals fell on the ground. It was surely warm and birds were freely flying in the sky. Spring has arrived. </p><p>At the moment, Keiji was waiting for Koutaro in front of his college. He had about 20 minutes to wait and he was bored. </p><p>While he was looking around he sees this one pretty abandoned building that was pretty high. In that moment he wondered what was the view like up there, does the air feel different and what if they saw it together with Koutaro. Koutarou wasn't going to get there for a while so he decides to stand up and heads there all the way to the rooftop, damn were those stairs long. </p><p>Keiji got exited as he almost climbed the stairs and the door that led to the rooftop could be seen. He heard loud noises and it was like some people were arguing. Suddenly the place lights up as the door opens and a girl runs out from it, hurrying to go down the stairs, her shoulder brushes Keiji's and Keiji in that moment loses all of his balance, his hands were moving up and down looking for something to grab onto but there was nothing. His legs weren't moving, like he was paralyzed, like he lost all of his senses but he did feel his body falling down, in that moment Koutarou's face flashed in his mind. And after that, no sound nor view, it was all silent and black. </p><p>Koutaro makes his way through the big crowd and sees as the ambulance takes Keiji's body, at the sight of it and all the blood he saw he fell onto his knees. Heart tightening and eyes watering. The sirene is disturbing and it rings in Koutaro's ears. It's making him dizzy. </p><p>In that moment, where time had stopped for Koutaro, a touch from Kuroo brought him back to reality. Kuroo mouthed something but he couldn't hear it, he could only read his lips. He immediately got up and got on the ambulance vehicle. Keiji was hardly breathing, but he was still breathing and his heart hasn't stopped yet. During the fall it wouldn't be as bad as it is if he hadn't hit his head against the wall. As he hit the wall, the spot started bleeding and left blood all over the place and Keiji's head. It was that because of why Keiji was in critical condition and it could be fatal. </p><p>Koutaro was sitting next by Keiji as the ambulance hurried to the hospital. </p><p>"Keiji... Wake up.... Please" Koutaro held Keiji's hand to his face while tears were rolling and falling off his chin</p><p>"Please Keiji... I can't live this life without you with me...." </p><p>Everything was crushing along with Koutaro. He was terrible. He felt pain like never before. The urge to scream, break and hit was never present as much. Keiji was about to slip out from his grip and it hurt so much, it hurt to death. There was no worse feeling. He begged god and he begged satan just for Keiji to live. Complete hopelessness converted into tears that rain down his face at lightning speed. </p><p>The owl necklace Koutaro gave Keiji was now red, covered in blood. </p><p>"Keiji... I-I swear I'll treasure more... I swear I'll be always with you, every second. Please just wake up, and I'll buy you flowers everyday, I'll take you out and I'll cuddle with you at each opportunity. Just live, please stay with me" his cries and pleads were endless like the galaxy</p><p>"Keiji, look" Koutaro's one hand went to his pockets while the other was still holding Keiji's "... I even bought us rings" he fished out a velvet box from his pockets "I had planned to give it to you today.... But... How am I gonna do this if you're.... Like this..." Koutarou cried harder and even speaking was difficult </p><p>"Silly.." a faint voice was heard</p><p>Koutaro stopped in his tracks when he realized the voice came from Keiji and there was no stopping for his tears. </p><p>"Keiji" he yelled through his crying and held Keiji's hand tighter </p><p>"R-rings... Don't have meaning if only one of the both is wearing it" </p><p>"What are you talking about?" Koutaro felt the pain in his throat "Both of us will wear it" he pulled one of the rings and slid it into Keiji's finger </p><p>"B-but I'll be g-going, it seems..." Keiji's voice was weak and low</p><p>"No no no, you aren't going anywhere... You're staying with me" streams of tears flowed faster than his heartbeat, the pain was uncontrollable </p><p>"H-hey, Koutaro.." </p><p>"Yes, my baby owl" he was full of gut-wrenching sobs that tore through his chest </p><p>"Won't be nice?....In the future you will have your wife, your kids, your own family that will be your world, making you forget me, who was once your world too" a tear could be seen falling from the side of Keiji's eye and a faint smile that came after it</p><p>"No world can be replaced, it can be only one world. And mine is you.... Nobody else but you" tears were flowing like a river and then fell on the ground leaving spots</p><p>Keiji just left out a very weak chuckle. </p><p>"Can I ask something of you?" </p><p>"Anything and everything" </p><p>"F-for the first time and also the last.. Please, could you kiss me?" Keiji shared his request</p><p>Koutaro hearing the question closed his eyes from pain as his heart completely shattered. </p><p>"Of... Of course..." Koutaro had imagined their first kiss many times and in different situations but not like this, with cries and all that pain, it was heartbreaking that their first it's going to be also their last </p><p>It was never supposed to be like this. </p><p>Koutaro leaned in and placed his lips on Keiji's half-cold ones. Damn, this kiss is gonna hurt and hurt until eternity. The wound from this kiss will never stop bleeding. It will always stay with Koutaro. </p><p>"Thank you..." Keiji's shakened hand reached Koutaro's cheek and carresed it "I-I won't say goodbye... Instead... I'll say see you another time" </p><p>"See you next time...." </p><p>Keiji closed his eyes and his raised hand fell down. When he saw that, Koutarou's crying was louder and whimpers and moans along with choking sounds were even more present. He had just lost his world, his soul and his heart. He felt nothing but sorrow. </p><p>They arrived at the hospital but for what. The person was dead. There's not helping it now. You can't bring a person back to life. </p><p>Koutaro sat in the halls of the hospital and wasnt moving at all like he was frozen. Tears were falling and falling and every his breath hurt more and more. </p><p>"The necklace and the ring were for you to wear idiot, so why are you giving them back...." Koutaro harshly grabbed the bag with Keiji's belongings and sobbed</p><p>He just squeezed the ring and the necklace and brought his fist to his face. </p><p>*</p><p>Years passed but Koutaro still went to Keiji's grave every day, each time with a sunflower in his hands. He would tell Keiji how each his day goes and he would tell him how much he misses him, that every night he cries at night and this part of his heart is with a hole that seems like never will get fulfilled. Koutaro was glad it was like that though, with Keiji in his heart and all the memories, he was bound to remember Keiji to his last breath. Keiji wasn't there but he was there, maybe not physically but he was always there in Koutarou's mind and heart. Koutarou still wore his ring while he left Keiji's ring and his necklace on his grave. </p><p>The unachieved dreams still hurt as much as the life he would have had with Keiji. They stinge, bite and stab with pain. Like a salt poured on a open wound, like a river that's already dried out and its waters will never flow ever again, like a bird that has lost its wing and it can never fly in the sky again. They were supposed to be happy, to have a future together. </p><p>"You were always thanking me while it's me who should be thankful for you becoming a part of my life" Koutaro would say when he was at Keiji's grave, shed a tear and go home</p><p>He never let go of his baby owl.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to everyone who has read this &lt;333 comments are appreciated &gt;&gt;</p></blockquote></div></div>
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